The Epic of Tobi.....2

Tobi was the second born in a family of five; two boys and three girls. He was not the smartest, but was the most observant. He would recall moments and paint perfect Monalisa's out of them, as if they had just happened a minute ago.This was the backbone to his comical nature-the source to him being the binding element that helped the Makbel family turn the pages of their life with utmost unity, despite their limited resources. It was during his campus days though, that Tobi started making money out of his comical-self. He would be hired to curtain-raise occasions, and would leave people fighting gravity to avoid hitting the floor as a result of laughter. It was in one of such numerous events, where his life took a twist. A senior lady approached him with an offer he could not resist; a radio show-host position which would make him a high earner in society. Tobi was skiing on an avalanche of bliss, but their was a more to it. For him to get to the job, he would have to play 'toy' with the lady to her satisfaction. Hmm......

As he lay in the cave, the glaring eyes were inching closer and closer with each breathe he took..and suddenly he could feel it. The warmth of a living being. Eyes closed, conscience alert, he knew he was not alone. Had they caught up with him? Would he live to see another day? What was he to do, in order  to ensure he escaped? He was terrified. As the panes of his eyes stretched apart, his heart thumping in awe..he was marveled. The sight was overwhelming. Too overwhelming. 

"Hey handosome!" she said, "why did you run away?"

"Hello babe," accompanied with a yawn, "they just did not want to listen. They wanted my neck, and I was not ready to share that part of my body with anyone. They chose to believe that lying bitch over me. Me!! You know me best dear. I could not have done so to you. Not me. I care for you so, so, so..."

She hushed him by putting her finger on his lips..

"Tobi' she called him, "Let us make the sweet loving that was meant to be, for our honeymoon was snatched away from us. We swore to await this day, and I don't think I can wait any longer. I want you!!" 

Tobi and Naima

That night, a full moon had spread its immense body over the sky. It gazed directly into the cave and provided great lighting.Romantic aura to be precise. Thus, as she sat down next to him, clinging on to his masculine physique, she started nibbling away on his ear..he felt heavenly. He knew he was lucky to be the one to pop her cherry, and had no intentions of letting the moment be snatched away from him; twice. Passion consumed them whole, empowering their bodies with heat that slapped cold in its face..mmh, it was getting steamy. As their lips took flights towards their destined destinations, eyes closed,Tobi felt something in his ear. It was irritating. He thrusted his index finger in, but the irritation was still there. This was ruining the moment. She sensed it, and pulled away. He shook his head, seeking to remove whatever was inside, and eventually did. Curious to see what it was, he drew his finger before his eyes.....

He woke up.

The sun's rays had spread all over the cave- it was daybreak. Damn. He searched for Naima in vain. She was not there, not a trace. It was all a dream. Reality had just checked in, and the day lay in front of him, inviting him to make the best of it. The truth had to be known, and he had to ensure it was, sooner rather than later. As he picked himself up, hunger digging deep trenches inside his belly, an aura of confidence exuded off him. 

Today was the day; the saga had to be put to rest...to be continued.

The Epic of Tobi.....1

Blood gushed off him as thorns took turns to have a bite of his bare skin. Did he just do it? Was he thinking he did it? Oh no!! Did he or didn't he? Damn!! It was meant to be the special night. The night he was to loose it or, wasn't it? He remembered the house-help and the days she would lure him to her den. Nyatich was her name. Did those moments count? Really? Too much thought, he thought, thus shook his head, while in motion, in search for clarity as he paced up the hill. There was no better place where he could save his ass that evening, than the hills- the shopping-center was no option at all. He would be mauled to death. Tobi was petrified. As he sat down, having shook the mob off his trail, flashbacks bombed his clarity, and thoughts of what-ifs started streaming in. They were viral. He thought!! Oh yes, he could see the resort from the distance..and there he had left her!! He wanted to go back but could he? Will they take his word for truth?

Utam Haliss

Songs of jubilation took the air captive, as Tobi and Naima tied the knot. They were high-school sweethearts, and everyone knew, they were destined to be husband and wife. On the eve of their wedding, Naima had requested Tobi not to look for her, or at her, until when she graced the isle into his arms. Hostage to passion and hormones, Tobi hesitantly agreed, yet again, it was the cue to having her for the rest of her life. Utter bliss. Tobi was a comedian by a profession; hell of a rib-cracker to be precise. Yeah, you guessed right, Naima was drawn by that- a massive dosage of laughter that made her share her contagious laughter and dimpled face with mortals. She simply could not resist. Naima herself, worked in the media industry. She was a sports journalist, and her fine physique testified so in the eyes of all men and women who met her. utam haliss!! 


Slowly he started dozing off, as thoughts threw him back to the day they met. He was recalling the sight of her face glow, as her resounding laughter found room in his ear. It made his blood boil. That was a first. Days gave birth to months, and months to years, and the D-day finally approached; he was to patent the laugh and dimples, the beauty and wit that came along with Naima and own the sole rights to make a copy of Naima, and share with the world. Babies were to be born for and by him, through her. Sadly, he was all alone now. Alone in a cave. Away from her. They wanted to kill him, for what he had not done. Yet again, did he? As the lids of his eyes tried resisting the magnetic pull towards each other each, the thought of what could have been signed him off to sleep. He had to prove them wrong..and the days to come, were all the hope he had. Time was to be his new best friend. 


As he lay dead-asleep...there were eyes roving over him, and he knew not. Would he last to prove his innocence...to be continued

L-If, For-if

Mmh mmh mmh, isn't life one sweet delicacy. I think people usually drool at night because they are busy thinking of the new dawn, the pleasures of daylight, the suspense, the marvel of a day's beauty, the good tidings it may bring etc. Therefore, the more you drool, a.k.a salivate, it means your anticipation is higher than others. Thus do not shy away. Anyway, if this happens during day time, seek medical advice!!....

I know life is tough, with exemptions to none. Yet again, it is such, that makes us cherish the good times that grace our paths. Therefore, I borrowed L n F from the word LIFE and conceived the L-if, F-if rule:He he, thus let no woman tell me I know not the pain of giving birth, just look at my twelve daughters:

1. Lust for what you purpose to get in life as if you have it, For if you won't, you will lack the extra push where it matters the most.
2. Look forward to life with sheer optimism, For if you don't you will end up whiner and myopic, and when opportunities glare you in the face, you will hardly notice them
3. Leg it when you are still young and give your body some exercise, For if you won't you will fall victim to ill-health when old, and be one grumpy grandpa or grandma
4. Live large, though smart, when you have made it in life, dont be a miser, For if you won't, you will be insulting all the hard work you put in during your youthful years
5. Laugh at loud when you have the chance, For each moment spent sad or grumbling, is a moment lost spreading cheer and joy
6. Launch right the first time, For if you don't, you may never get another chance. Whatever you seek to do, always strive to do it right the first time, knowing that that is your last first time.
7. Last long when you go through tough times, For when you do, it will only make the victory sweeter, and make you appreciate yourself more
8. Limbo and dance as if you have just won a lottery, For if you don't, when you age, you will end up looking confused as you seek to be hip, having not capitalized on your prime.
9. Long for it, that which you seek, without fear or hesitation, For that will provide you with the zeal to surge forth, resilience to hold on, and renewed strength to accept that you are unique to your own desires.
10. Languish not when times are thick, For if you do, you will never know your limits and capacity to overcome barriers when they pounce on you
11. Love as if you would want to be loved, For if you don't and won't, then you will never get the same in return.
12. Look into your life, knowing your king or queen of  your own realm, For when you do, it only makes it simpler to come up with your own list, and avoid numerous regrets

Therefore, I choose to believe that people complicate life by choice. It is important to realize that life is two-dimension; full of yays and nays..thus be prepared for both.Live your life in the best way you know how, knowing that you can not impress all, yet again not to step on people's toes.

This is my belief, I am certain you have yours. Take time and decipher it

Bucket List!!

Wow. My Friday started on a high I tell you. Gentlemen, has a lady ever hugged you, so cosily, so tight, so firmly, that you think you can impregnate her via osmosis. Ha ha. I got that today, so you best be sure I am smiling all through, as I post this.
In other news:
I know we cannot forget the prophetic dimwit who said the world was ending a few weeks ago. Mark you, he said he was going to watch it on T.V as it happened; never knew being a nut-case would give you so much publicity. Yet again, it did. Sadly he is not entrepreneurial. If I were him, I would have started a boxer or lingerie line, called 'Doomsday', meant specifically for couples going on a honeymoon. Ha, do the math you smart people. Simply cherish that night as if the world is ending the next  morning. Anhu, what he said, may have just have been in his bucket list, something like: 47. Prank the entire globe into believing the world is ending.Twice. or 47. Get global coverage over something silly.

For those still undergoing a blonde moment, a bucket list, is similar to a wish list, but this one entails things you want to do, before you kick the bucket. Get it! KICK. THE. BUCKET=BUCKET.LIST!! Please tell me you have, because I could not make it any simpler.

Assuming you had 3 months to live, what would you do, prior to joining the angels? Let us get a little bit Avatarish here and assume you would not die until the lapse of the said date, regardless of what you do. Naah, tooo fictional. Let us stick to being earthlings, therefore, you can loose out to death if you are wreckless. What would you do? Hmm...thought of mine, take a glimpse..hehe

1.Eat in a chinese restaurant and do the stick thingy. Yeah, I am yet to do that. Don't pitty me, simply invite me to one. ha. I have done Somali, Ethiopian, Czech, Borana, Ugandan, Wild game, Arabic, but, Chinese, nope. Yet again, I will only use the sticks to pick the meat, in-fact, poke the meat, and as rice or whatever shall accompany it is concerned, well, that would be simply teasing hunger. I can't risk it.

2.Go to Barclays plaza, queue in a line and start doing the robot dance, as is, in the advert: almost did this by the way, a month or so ago. Just lacked proper quorum 

3. Bunjee jump, then escalate to parachute jumping. This will need divine intervention, a pair of nappies and serious stimulants. Heights freak me out.

4. Skiny deeping at 6pm in the Indian Ocean- in Europe, most people run around a field when a game is on, nude. I thought of this and saw it as unwise. Assume its a game between Gor and AFC..haha...let us leave it at that.

5. Go to North Eastern and slaughter a camel-want to know whether they actually cry as is said (mark you, I cannot even carry a chicken)

6.Go and make out in Uhuru Park-I need to know whether there is a charm in this place. People flock to this park with a reason. I must find it

7. Visit the famous Muliro Gardens...what for? Promoting local tourism. Yep!!

8. Go to a famous hotel on a date,or not, eat and not pay the bill-kuchonga viazi is not a bad experience, don't you think?

9. Look for my primary crush and know what if..he he. Sic man!! She just came back from India. Need to know what was making my stomach rumble whenever she passed by my desk. May be she was sweating legume gas, thus the rumbling. Lol

10.Cook up a 'busted' scheme and lure Shiko and Nick into it. After playing victim, tell them, at the end, that its all a prank and laugh at making fools of all listeners. This should warrant my publicity big time.

11. Participate in 'maandamano' (riot) and await for cops to throw teargas. Hehe..this may just be a chance to die, so I will toss a coin over it. Would not like to be hit by a stray bullet, or hit a stray bullet in this regard.

12. Give all my belongings to charity and compose a song. I have written poems, so it won't be hard. As for the singing, well, I will need a portable shower place. I sound best in the bathroom, na siringi!!

13. Go to a church, mosque and temple. Be prayed for. Repent. And await the Heaven Express 

14. Etc...yeah, those are activities too. Chase a mad person for example. Totally random and free spirited, thus the list never stops, as I would have put no limit to it.

I know I did not include travel, yet again, in my present state, I cannot pull it off, unless I rob a bank. That would need planning, and though I have watched Heist, Hustle, Italian Job and the likes..,it is getting the Gangsters 4 Speed to partner, that would be hectic. I have done lots of silly things, very proud of it, so, once I top up the list, I will be all set to go and meet the Supreme Being. 

Once again, I know am a nutcase, you do not have to tell me. Do you know who you are, or you still finding your self? CLICHE!!

Disclaimer: Information posted here, is not the opinion of the owner of this blog.

Start writing yours, what you waiting for?

Raise your hand to a woman

Sadly when I previously posted this, there was a problem with our host website, and the post was removed. 

Anhui, as I was saying, I have heard a lot of rubbish from some women. But this 21 or so year old, just tops it all. How can someone so young, tell me, that the only way she will know that his boyfriend 'loves' him, is by him making a drum out of her. Beat the crap out of her. This just made me sick. That I know her, is just sad. Truth be told, the guy does thwack her pretty good. I am dead serious. I am not proud to know this shit. To be precise, it irks me. Recently, a news-reporter passed her baton of life to death. The most annoying thing about it, was when her friends, publicly confirmed, that she was in an abusive relationship, and they could do nothing about it. Okay, may be..her being married was a reason for not leaving her..yet seriously, how can you not value yourself so much, that you can proudly choose a punching bag to be your alter personality. Am raging here. This is so because I have sister, a mother, a niece, a daughter, and simply, find no sense in a woman accepting to live in such condition. Fu*# Love. This is just utter rubbish.

Breathe in-Breathe out blogger!!

Okay, I am calm now. Radio shows in our beloved nation have carried out talk-shows, where callers, women to be precise, would call and attest to being in violent relationships. Some have even claimed that sex is sweeter after a thorough beating. It is an ecstasy. Really? I am bamboozled. I know women are simply-complicated, and I like that about them, yet again, does this really hold water. I choose to believe that any XX chromosome who highlights such values, should immediately be given room in a mental institution. Even animals don't do this, and they live on instinct. And then again, there is the Diplomat who was trying to be surgeon. He was trying to give his wife a face-lift, which only ended up making her look like a patched up scare-crow. It was saddening.

I stand tall, believing that a man should only raise his hand to woman, when he wants to blow her kiss. With regard to women who are no nonsense and hit their husbands senseless, Yikes, I have nothing to say. Gentlemen, make sure she has never lifted waits, did not do so many manual jobs, thus her punch will be like a poke on facebook. Haha. But when she opts to use armour from her arsenal, the kitchen, take a dash, and pray. Hehe. Wa gwan mi tell ya.

Anhu, seriously, if this happens to you, and you condone it, then you value yourself least.Whether a slap, punch or kick-if it has started, be wary, as it may never stop. I believe, people tend to value you as much as you value yourself. Don't be arrogant and proud, it is spiteful. Simply don't think lowly of your self, as you should know that you are special.

Thus to all ladies I blow a kiss, and stand tall for battery against women. Not Energizer oh ye slow thinker..haha.

Heads or Tails?

The Truth is the closest thing any one will ever have to a  close friend. Yep, the truth. Words that come packaged in this wrapping usually hurt so much, that they can make tears well up and ooze from your eyes without intent, yet again the relief it brings is like a trip to the Bahamas. Yeah, been there, done that. Ahem. Strangely though, as much as we crave it, most of us lack the capacity to stand it. In line with that, here is a thought that has been wrestling my senses for quite some time:

There is a  norm in our society that I find nagging. I have found it so baseless as someone trying to convince me that religion, and not deeds shall be our ticket to the Godly Land. If the norm was an animal, then it would be a skunk. Guess you know the defense mechanism of a skunk..a spew of some seriously foul smell that can knock a buffalo dead. Eeuuww, right? Anhui, now, how is it, that it is women who are usually highlighted as 'cheap' when a sheet duet session takes place 'fast'. I mean, the making of sweet music prior to even composing the whole song..haha. In layman's language, why is it that women are seen as the sole bearers of the blame, whenever an uncertified nude bonding with a man takes place.Euphemism, loving it. haha. Gentlemen, we are either fathers, future fathers, brothers, uncles etc., and still stand tall to slap this on women. Would I be sinister to state that, regardless of whether consent was reached, if the lady is branded as cheap, then the tag equally lies on the man's table. 

Simple and clear: since a human duet, *we all know there are toys*, cannot be done by a woman alone, why should the 'blame' lie on her solo. I seek to address this, because as future parents, the information we feed our kids shall go a long way in defining their character. We cannot have rascals breeding around us, and blame it on the media, or the internet. We have to be honest with each other, call a spade a spade, face reality in the face, and do away with nonsense, that adds no value to any of us. Simply stop the blame game. It is what is robbing us as a nation. Always seeking to blame it on someone else. Disgraceful. No man thinks with his loins first, it all has to be planned in the mind first. Let us cease from cheap excuses.

Heads:should we just chatter and blubber stuff because society has made us think so.

Tails:why should we not question reality where we know it makes no sense. No need to die a copy cat..it would be better if you were not born at all, don't you think? Someone has already done what you are doing. You have your life to live, and you choose to live someone else's? I pity you!!

I conclude that such rubbish needs to be whisked as far away from our minds as possible. It is high time we stop passing the buck, and own whatever is due to us. Oh the men, oh the women!! Rubbish! If you cannot stand by your decision, decide not  to in the first place. There is a lot of things that happen, and we always strive to blame others for the consequences.

*I am not seeking a holier than thou state here, or pretend I stand on a morally higher ground. I have, prior to reaching this conclusion,  victimized some ladies too. I am stating what should not be, as is assumed to be reality. I seek not to tell you what to do, simply question, why it is so? You are the one who makes choices in your life, and I for one, stand no moral ground to judge you.

You would rather have one friend who tells you the truth, than millions who simply escort you to a ditch.

May God bless and grant quick recovery the victims of yesterday's blast on Kirinyaga road.

Rock and a Hard place

I must admit, I do know what a rock is, and that it is a hard object, but does anyone out there, know what the hard place is, in relation to the adage saying? It may as well be dry clay for crying out loud, and with a little bit of water, can be moulded and one can make a way out. Chose to think so because I deem 'hard' to be relative. What is hard to me, is definitely not hard to you, not hard to Yokozuna, Schwarzenegger etc? Mark you, I do not mean mathematics here!! Well, before you brand me as a nutcase, because someone else has already done that, my bad!!...are there tougher things breathing on this earth in comparison to those creatures which creep into our lives, stare us right in the face without twitching and scream 'WHICH ONE? Oh yes, they are not aliens. We have been with them for a greater part of our lives. I am talking about choices. Here, I do not mean deciding whether eating chips makes you add weight, hence should you eat the whole pack, or half? Daang: eat the whole pack, then take a walk! Should burn you the calories.


I mean, life changing decisions.
Recently I was forced to make one of such kind. One that may come to bite my ass in future. In that line, I hope it will be toothless (kibogoyo, kabisa). I had two options: The known or the unknown? From a re-known poet's view:  he likened this process to standing at a crossroads, and resolving to choose between two paths: the path most trodden, or the path least trodden? I chose the path least trodden, as it is the path of great men. Pardon me for not going into detail about it, but the Lord sure knows an entire generation has its fate on that resolve. Oh yes, a generation; I am a living incubator, thus my generation banks on me. haha. (that is a smart joke. If you do not understand, stick to watching Chally Chaplin and Mr.Bean) No offense.
In life, we are faced with so many tough choices, to the extent that, if they had weight, majority of us would be crushed like coco-yam. Fact about it is, whenever we think we are in the worst of states, there is someone definitely at a  more crucial and life changing state than we are. Anhu,I urge you not make comparisons, as they will often weaken your stand. Especially, negative comparisons.



Take a flashback into your life, and recall the time you had to make the toughest decision. What made you choose what you did, and do you regret it? I read somewhere, of a way to know what you want. Assuming you have two options, take a coin and have the heads as option A, and the tails as B. Then toss the coin in the air and await chance to make a decision for you. Really? NOPE. While the coin is tossing in the air, you will feel an inclination as to how you want the coin to fall on the ground. The side you are inclined to, is the decision you should make, because that is what you want.


I am no psychiatrist, guru of life, a seer who has lived through generations, thus cannot tell you how to go about circumventing tough decisions. They are with us to stay, and I am yet to see someone come up with a mechanism to make a brain soften a tough one. I seek not to be the first and end up stripping my blog off its blog-ginity. All I know is, tough decisions need to be made, and character is founded on them. You need to believe in whatever you decide, so much, that it becomes present reality in your head. Therefore, whatever you choose, stick by and to it, 100%. This is to ascertain, that regardless of the outcome, you will know you gave it your all. If you are deciding on getting fat, eat with all might, that if you fail, you will state,"Damn right. I did give those meals some serious whooping".; "Anyone who stops learning is old, whether this happens at 80 or 20'-Harvey Ullman. Life shall never cease to act tough on you, and you cannot change that, yet again, you have the alternative of changing yourself. Regardless of the state you are in, toss a coin and live with it. People may not agree with your decision, but it is your own decision, isn't it? Heed counsel where it comes in handy, but always, strive to make your own decisions. Don'f fall victim to the blame-game extravaganza. Wishes will never be horses, and therefore, beggars shall never ride.



As is often said: life is a bitch; yet again, many lessons you it can teach, and eventually have you as its pimp!! Carpe diem!!