K.E.N.Y.A

Dear Kenya,

Tears well up in my eyes at the sight of your children sulking on the breasts of a dead mother. Hunger, choosing not to be in the counsel of pity, scratches the inner walls of the earthly-angels stomachs', wiping them clean of any trace of food that may lie within. 30 children dead, in 30 days, an indication of 30 angels lost, while some greedy people take a snooze in your August House. It irks me to know that while others choose which meal to eat, it is in your beloved borders, that hunger chooses which kid to mince. Aaaargh...it pains me deep, to see a child who is yet to experience life, wave to it good bye with sheer sadness and no hope in his/her eyes. Forgive us Mum!!

I believe that as your children, our strength lies within our hearts, and that our malleability, is our beckon of hope. That, with us being Kenya-nites, we should not be asking "what can we do?" but rather, "what can we NOT do?", because we make it so easy, to deal with obstacles that come our way. Our malleability, and not forgetfulness, is the one character politicians bank on, to rip you off your dignity-not anymore. It is for this reason, they toy with us, change ships, change beats, but still remain with the same words in songs which wholly concentrate on self-praise. Its high time, we own the choir, own the tune, own the instruments, and write a new song-one that they will dance to from the confines of their homes, and not the chambers of your House. This time round, we should use our malleability to our advantage, simply mould ourselves into a cold shoulder, and let their promises fall on deaf ears. Seems impossible, I know, but even IMPOSSIBLE, spells out, I M POSSIBLE!! They are already plotting to increase their pension, because they know we are bound to send them home packing- we shall make it so, and prove them right for once!! 

As a nation, we are riding on a new horse, named #Kenyans4Kenyans. This horse shall lead the Wanjiku-Army to victory against the battle with the Greedy-Parliamentarians. This  initiative is a confession that neither place of birth, dialect, corporate competition nor one's last name defines who we are; it is simply the +254 code, engraved deep within our bones.

The passion for our beloved nation is ripe at the moment and, I hope your media babies and corporate legends, upon the successful feeding  of your starving children, will continue with the same platform and continue nurturing brother and sister-hood among your children. I know, you know, that we should all know, that we will have only ourselves to blame, should the rains pour down, and we assume all is well, and eventually upon the rise of another crisis, seek to offer another solution. Should this be so, we will be no different to your political children: A comparison, I personally, never seek to embrace. 

Thus, as we strive to feed your children, know we shall also feed your political stomach, with servants who shall only work towards making you smile. As for your bouncing baby girl, New Constitution, we are nurturing her to ensure you have peace of mind as you age in this life, and get rid of the greedy hounds occupying your chambers!!

Dedication: K.E.N.Y.A= Kenya Exclaims-Not You Again!! New Hit Single dedicated to MPs

Your loving son,

Patriotic Mkenya

The Epic of Tobi.....5

Wedding day Morning

Sitting in-front of the mirror, Naima's tummy was raided with butterflies. Rumbles and goosebumps were emerging victors over calmness and coolness, and she was getting nervy.

As she stared deeper, dimples digging deep into her soft cheeks, she knew she was beautiful and so she had been told by the many people she had met. With mascara, eye-shadow, foundation and eye-pencil finding their way unto her face, her natural beauty was enhanced to sheer excellence. Already dressed in her ivory V-necked wedding gown,  her boobs swelled above the scoped neckline. Her pose was simply arresting. Arousing even. A glance at her, would vandalize all modesty even in the sanest of monks, steaming up a manly blood rush, taking eyes captive and facilitating an ogle session. The pendant that rested on her cleavage, in its fourth generation of inheritance, was the final piece of the beauty jigsaw. Naima was complete, and ready to grace the red carpet that would lead her to his groom.

Tobi was equally prepared. Looking sharp in a black, fitting tux' with matching cuff-links, Gucci branded watch, belt and shoes. Embracing the look of a stylish italian mafia..he knew he was going to mob the sanity out of all ladies in the congregation. It tickled him deep, and assured him of the fact that Naima would know that he was worth being his man. Four hours separated them from being husband and wife...

Present

Naima's mum surged forth, fueled by raw rage. She wanted Tobi dead. The bulky figure gave Tobi refuge from her.

"I didn't do it. I am innocent. Let me explain. Please!! Please!! Let me tell..."

Naima's Mum: Rubbish!, she exclaimed in between her sobs. Your actions ruined my innocent girl's heart. You took her for granted and toyed with her. Aaargh. Why am I even talking to such filth. He should be arrested. He is a murderer. A Murderer!!"
Tobi: Okay, I choose not to fight any more. Slay me if you wish. Just give me a chance to share what transpired, and then, you can execute me. After all, my darling and sweet Naima is already gone, thus I see no reason to live. You'll all be doing me one HUGE favor"
Naima's dad: I tend to agree with the dimwit. This shall not bring back our daughter, but we best clear the air. He has skunked it and we do need to open up the windows, so that we can breathe. Speak Tobi!!


Draped in fear and relief,Tobi started explaining on how their love candle suddenly melted away into misery. Why things have taken such a major twist. That all that had taken place, was not intentional. He knew not that lady was Naima's aunt. Tobi had just fathered a child with Naima's aunt.......

Dear Future Kenyan Wife...the Update!!

Hi Future Mrs,

Oh yes, today is the day they chopped my umbilical cord, and the nurse spanked my butt to hasten my first wail. Happy Birthday to me, yet again happy birthday to us. I really do have to say a special thanks to all those who play a part in shaping me into who I am;family and close friends, foes if any, because they are the ones wrapping me as a gift in anticipation of you unveiling me. LOVE YOU ALL!!

I hope you are doing fine and is all smiles. Thought you should know; grandma passed on, and she is someone I hoped you would have met. She was an earthly angel and shall tell you about her, worry not, because her heart still beats within me. I do hope your family is doing fine by the way: future ma' and pa' in-law, siblings if you have any and those close to your heart. Their peace and role in your life, matters loads to me, and I hope I shall be the icing on the cake you call 'close to heart'. I seek to compliment, and not separate you from them.

Anhu, there was this recent demise of a university lady student (her soul RIP) which was dominant in all media for a while. Her death was so grey, forensics were invited to try and whiten it up- all in vain. That is not the point though, it is the declarations from campus lady students that blew my balls off. He he..don't worry, we will still make babies. Anhu, some confessed of escapades which were sacrlige. Okay, I do not expect a saint from you, nat at al (Jamaican accent). I do not expect a perfect being from you, NO NO! I simply request for you to respect yourself. If what you do, makes you think well of yourself, carry on, I am no judge of character! Digging into the past, well, as stated in the previous letter,can be detrimental, and is what I seek to avoid. Hmm, thus, am I advocating for secrets, nope, simply not let it mess what is, and should be. That is just plain bullcrap!! What is your take on this?

Kindly note, I am not assuming you are a campus girl. May be, you did not get the chance to attend one, a university, thus became street smart and made something concrete of yourself. A lady hustler;diva, is it? Even better. In this line, a lady raised an issue, stating her dowry was worth a million, by virtue of having attended university. I shall not get into that, because I shall pay mine duly for the sole reason of it being a show of gratitude to your parents. I hope greed shall not overshadow this, I really do hate the feeling that I am being exploited! Yet so you know, I am working my ass off to make it a smooth-sail;*at this rate, you may find me with no ass left, to be precise, thus do look up for recipes that may give me capacity to sit on wooden benches again. Haha. (sure hope you can cook). I do feed well-one of the things that softens my heart-my stomach and heart are connected. He he. I am no glutton though, simply do not take food for granted.

TEAM PLAY

Aha, I already found a place where will get the forest colors for our bedroom. We shall call it, Animalia!! We should have the door engraved so. Yikes, I know I am getting way over my head, and you already have a picture frame of how everything shall look like. Kindly do let me pimp the bedroom. Hmm. Let me be the king of that jungle, and saloon costs shall be no bother. Ahem, okay, we will have to discuss this.

Life is becoming tougher though, inflation and all. With team play, we shall overcome it, I know. Oh, I am practicing how to cook, becoming better, I must add. These services shall be for special nights, and when you are tired. Upgrading from boiling water, to boiling eggs, and now frying them-is a milestone. Trust me. I advocate for team play and communication, as we shall be a unit, ONE being. We shall thus, have loads of team-building. Where, and what we will be doing is TOP SECRET!! I cannot disclose it all, because the element of surprise spices things up. 

NB:I never read between the lines, because I am yet to see the book which is ever talked about, thus kindly do talk to me, because I will be listening. 

I shall not take a day for granted:today is the best day of my life, yesterday was the best of my life, tomorrow shall be the best day of my life-and when I add you to this mix, I shall no longer have Mondays-Sundays, I simply will have-BEST-DAYS!! 

Yours,

One year Sweeter

Future Mr!!

The Epic of Tobi.....4

     Present

"Look at the fool," said a raged watchman to another, "he is think people is to be sleeping. To..to..today, is they is eat him live-live! "

"Is she alive?" Tobi asked the watchmen as he entered the gates of the resort. His query was met with sheer silence in response. The watchmen sneered at him. At this juncture, his heart was thumping loud, seeking a way out of his chest in search of fresh air, because the heated blood inside his body was suffocating it off all the oxygen present. It was intense, within and without Tobi. 

Once Tobi fully entered the resort's compound, the gates behind him were closed. He was caged in.

As he walked into the doors of the resort's reception, he could hear a huge murmur taking charge of the air around him. It was certain word had gone round, and people knew he was in the vicinity. Out of the blues, he felt a tight grip on his right hand, and upon taking a glance, a bulky, chiseled male stood tall, certain not to let go. He almost peed himself.

"Hi Tobi," said the bulky figure. " I see you have come back to claim Naima's body. You have robbed us off our daughter. If I was to have my way, I swear I would rip apart your body into pieces, glue you back together, and do it all over again. Aaarrrgh!" Tobi looked at his face, and witnessed veins claiming ownership all over it. Wrath had just rubber-stamped its presence.

Upon entering the social hall of the resort, Tobi was met with an avalanche of eyes filled with hate and despise. Tears and wails were roaming all over the room, and choked it off all the bliss and joy that had reigned supreme the previous day. Tobi was in a sharks tank..and all their teeth were gnashing for his skin!!

"Murderer..murderer..murderer!!," screamed out Naima's mum, "you killed my daughter... you good for nothing, shameful, and ungrateful bastard!! I HATE YOU!!" Fueled with sheer fury, she just could not hold back; she started running at Tobi with a knife in hand....

Past

"Welcome to the afternoon show fellow buzzers. The air is buzzing with vocals that can soothe a tiger to sleep. Oh yes, a tiger. Today, we up the music and alter the flow. If you had a heavy lunch, kindly keep away from your boss..don't want him to hear you remix the songs with echos of your snore. Ha ha!! We have the latest in Rn'B from our land to yonder, and trust me, we are about to sizzle your hearts!! Damsels in distress, this is your boy, Mr. SO aka Smooth Opp's..hear me loud and...." Tobi . He was on fire. He glanced out the booth, and saw Ms.Yvette. She winked at him. 

Ms. Yvette immediately removed her phone and sent him a text: ' Tonight! We will be making our own music between the sheets! :-* '

It irked him, but the dilemma stood tall. The saddest thing about it all, was that he had just met a girl he liked. She had altered the state of his heart from normal to out-of-control. Naima was her name, and she had it all. A human supermarket is how he could refer to her in absenteeism, because the mention of her name would send ripples through his heart.. He felt and knew it- She was the one!! 

What was he to do in order to keep the job, and rid himself off the ever pestering and ever randy Ms.Yvette, at the same time, nab this girl who had taken his emotions into a frenzy....

3 secrets to women & the secret to love!!

People have this assumption that I know the 'ish' about women and love. I DON'T. All I have, is an understanding towards something called REALITY!! Today, therefore, I seek to clear the air and share my 'perceived' knowledge with you. Should any of this be 'greek' I  was taking direct lessons from Cupid, and his speech was not layman's.

Life is a road with so many signs, says reggae artist Antonio; love is blind yet some believe in love at first sight and go for blind dates; how can people expect to FALL in love injury-free, yet falling is an activity that entails one being hurt, isn't it?; people ask, "Why did you love him/her?" and await a reason in response; question is, what if the reason fades-off; does it mean the love shall be no more? Aha, you are thinking it? For example, "I love her because she is beautiful and intelligent!" Let's Assume s/he gets an accident and suffers an amnesia, will you love him/her still? Hmm, senseless questions, you think? Well, thats is reality for you.

The 3 Secrets to women.

1. .........
2. ........
3. ......

Aha, I hope no gentleman is trying to read braille here, thus is touching the screen to have a feel of what I might have written. HA!!. Simply put, there is no secret to women, and if there is, were it to be told, it would not be a secret anymore.  Aren't secrets, never meant to be known; so what is the logic of trying to unearth it? Don't you think the unpredictability of women is what makes them so alluring?

Personally, I concluded that the only way I would understand women, is to understand that I could not understand women. Even Doctor Phil meets a hard nut to crack once in a while. I do know, there have been numerous observations about this wonderful being, and conclusions have been reached..yet again, none has been standard across all borders. Therefore, instead of trying to play a Newton-understand-gravity role with women, I simply choose to LISTEN and DO.
It is said that the way to a woman's heart is through the ear. It is true!!..sadly, most men understand this one way though. They presume it is only by use of sweet talk, thus their fall. Gentlemen, you need to create a conversation, but make sure you listen more. Women talk roughly 20, 000 words a day. I am not telling you to play pet dog, or to be girly, and she thinks you are one of the sisters, HELL NO!!! Act and be a man, yet be a smart one, one who uses his ears. Listen, and you shall know what she wants, then ACT..you are smart enough to know she has what you want; can listening be so tough? And do ask where you don't understand!! If she scorns you and asks why you are questioning too much, just tell her you are concerned ABOUT HER, that you are trying to be a better man FOR HER, that you do not WANT HER to be burdened by an overdose of words, thus she should spill them out. IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT HER!! Oh,do not waste time trying to read in between the lines, yet you have never seen the book. Just listen!! 
Should this fail you, be a priest and await the nuns... PRAY with them. Don't be a pervert!! Ha.

Love!!! Mmh, the one thing thats oiling our T.V stations daily in the name of soap operas. Ladies love them, some strangely despise them. You see, never expect a universal or standard reaction from ladies. So, ladies and gentlemen, the major problem here, is sourced from the creation of utopias with regard to this natural force. Once we are 'in love', we expect perfection from human beings. Now, that is the ultimate recipe for heart aches, disappointments and the likes. I am not advocating for lack of faith in this natural ecstasy, nope, I simply advocate for its taming. Yes, dream big-but one thing stands, it is still a dream. God himself, for those who do believe in one, concludes that human beings are to err- who are we to expect perfection from humans. Aha, spot on again, right? I am not cold, in fact, my close pals think I am soft at heart: difference between them and I, is that I choose to live in the real world.

Human's err, leave room for that. Blame yourself also, if you use this as a fall-back, and let someone walk over you. There is a very thin line between reality and stupidity. You will solely determine that. You have to love yourself, so as to be able to love others. STANDARD RULE OF LOVE!! Share your discomforts, cherish the golden moments, rekindle them when you can, learn from the mistakes and use them to make you (plural) better..and never take anyone for granted!! Learn how to make ordinary moments, extra-ordinary, and you will have more laughs than cries. There is a reason why marriage vows are double-edged; in sickness and in health, in rich or poor, in good times or bad times..aha..simply because life is so....what's your take?