A Woman's VERDICT?

Gentlemen, gentlemen, I know we have concocted so many synonyms in relation to the fairer-sex. While working with a construction company, some ladies were referred to as 'Live-wire', while others were referred to as copper/insulators etc-this is in relation to beauty. As I moved on to the bank industry, we had some being referred to as EFTs, bounced cheques while others were simply over-the counter withdrawals etc-in relation to how soon a guy would take to sleep with one, or how fast she caught the men's attention. I even heard the airline industry has its own connotation of this beloved specie-I am still researching. While in campus, the nicknames were just too many and guess you can recall a few of your own. Women, women, women, what a MARVEL. Anhu, I know women have their own synonyms in relation to us, men, but I cannot dwell into that, because, honestly, I have no clue. Oh, I have remembered one: Maasai Sandals men. My colleague, a lady, told me that this is the reference her clique uses in relation to short chaps. I assume it is because the shoes are flat-soled, therefore, bringing the woman to the same height level as the man!

In tandem with this, I pondered on what women value in relation to what they actually possess.  This is my own manifestation, and I stand to be corrected. Therefore, gentlemen, if ladies would refer to you in this manner, this is what I perceive they would mean:

1. Hair

This is a lady's most priced possession. If you are a guy, and a lady likens you to her hair, then you are assured of quality time, concern, care and protection. If storms are to be raised against you, then she will not be hesitant to back you up, and shelter you. In times of rain, she would do anything, to ensure you do not get wet. If you are short, she would purchase extensions, just to make you more appealing. If you are just from the salon, then she would rather sleep with her head floating over a pillow, other than have you compressed on the bed-cushion, only to wake up shambled and disoriented. Simply put gentlemen, if a lady likens you to her hair, you are a jewel in her heart, and she will treasure you ever.

2. Shoes

Uuh, these pairs come a close second to hair. If ladies had an option, I think they would prefer to walk on air, other than have them ruined. Gentlemen, if you are her pair of shoes, then your dynamism is what she finds alluring. Your capacity to match and gel with her circumstance, making her stand out and look complete, is an attribute she takes not for granted. You provide comfort when she seeks to walk long distances, elegance when she has a grand-event, sustain her body when she is impregnated by pressure etc. You are of sincere value to her.

3. Brassiere 

Ha, these are men who provide reassurance of support. To be precise, if you are a push-up bra, then, you are better off, because you guarantee her a thrust when she is down. Fact remains, she will always hold you close to heart, because you guarantee her solidity in turbulent times. Behave well, and you may just be welcomed to her personal space faster than you think.

4. Stockings

If you are referred to as such, then you are temporary, but your capacity to flaunt her beauty is what she finds appealing. You give her the capacity to dress skimpy, yet look elegant, because you hide, what would be depicted as under-dressing. By virtue of you being a provision of warmth in the days of cold, then the lady shall only seek you when she needs you. The sad part of being in this category, is that your purpose is often short-lived to her liking.

5. Thong

Well, I must attest, she is most comfortable around you. Oh yes, so comfortable, that she has no problems with you getting in her business. She feels sexiest, open and out-going around you. At this stage, the lady sees no point in her pretending or keeping secrets. You are simply her best kept secret, and she cannot dare, share you with anyone else-you are only hers-period!!

6. The Handbag
In my own opinion, I think once a woman likens you to this personal item, then you are doomed. Knowing that she can dump everything and anything on you, then she simply sees you as a good friend, and unless all men die, and you are the only one left standing, you simply have no chance of being her man. There is no life encounter about her that is secret to you. From her rain moments to lip-gloss encounters, one-night stands to her deepest secrets; well, you know it all. 


As I stated earlier, this is my personal assessment, and I stand to be corrected. I cannot over-emphasize the value and worth of women in society. Thinking about the world without them, is like trying to dance tango, with your legs tied together. HORRIFIC!! 

A Dance with Reality!!

Fact be known, I am a sucker for Mondays. Unlike many people, I look forward to this day. Well, you may try to enclose my enthusiasm in the 'He probably has no life' box. Oopsy, you are entirely wrong!! My weekends are often buzzing with self-nurturing activities. Anhu, reason why I love Mondays, is because they attest the fact that I wholly saw the weekend to completion and blessed to see the birth of an entirely new week. No Monday blues for me...hardly ever!!

The sweetness of life, is melted from the variety of cuisines it offers. Many people, having fallen victim to stereotyping, formalities and norms are accustomed to  singing in tune by grumbling and whining about that which they can change. Therefore, from my dance with Ms.Reality, this is what she whispered to my ear:

1. Do not blame traffic, simply blame your timing- this is unless you extremely left early, only to be hampered by an accident. 

2. When you take a public means of transport, you are actually being chauffeur driven. Question is, what do you do with the time you have. Assume you loose 2 hours daily on the road, that sums up to 480 hours annually, unaccounted for. Are you really that wealthy, that it hurts you not, thus you can sit back and do nothing!

3. Most tears, shed upon demise of someone we love, are mainly due to guilt. This is in relation to us not showing much love and appreciation while they were with us, rather than us missing them. If you have someone you value, LET THEM KNOW IT!!

4. Women are absurd, to think they can change a man, and similary, is a man to expect a woman to think or act like him. We are different, and that is what makes the world special. Embrace it, and run away with it.

5. When we state life is not fair, what else do we compare it to-Death? We should not grumble over what is beyond us, and simply make the best of our circumstances. If you complain about the weather, I wonder what you can do to change it. Aha, yet simply put you can change your attitude!

6. God, for those who believe in Him, gave us the most important tool in equal measure: TIME!! We all have 24 hours, thus stating you never have enough time, I wonder where you expect to get a top-up from!

7. There is nothing like killing time. Have you ever seen anyone stab it!!hmm.  All that happens is we loose life. Every minute lost, is a moment of life wasted. Life has no rehearsals. Knowing that in life, you either LEARN or EARN, then you may stop being stagnant.

8. Always be a first-rate version of yourself, other than a second-rate version of somebody else. Fact stands that you cannot please everyone you come across, some people will hate you just by the sight of you. Thus, do right, and make sure you live YOUR life best.

NB: If you always confess that your time is limited for you to live your life fully, why in all sanity, do you seek to live someone else's?

9. In life, we have more acquaintances than friends. Surprisingly, they hardly exceed 5, for majority. Therefore, when you come across a true friend.....-I believe you know what to do!

10. The fact that you may do good, and people don't appreciate it, or that your good deeds are often overshadowed by one bad deed upon its occurrence, it should not put you down. What you need to ensure, is that when others do good to you, let them know about it. Don't be what you despise!!

"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down"

If you are yet to read 'An Enemy Called Average' by John. L. Mason, you best find it!!

21st Century Virgin?

I just finished the last episode of Outsourced, (why did they cancel this show) and recall Rajiv, the nosy and nagging Indian manager, proclaim that he was a virgin. I know not of his age as per the show, but I give him a minimum of 27. Recalling the hit movie, 40 year old virgin, I wonder whether it was based on a true story! I know this is plain T.V, and you may claim I am delusional, yet again, am I really? Come to think of it, why did they highlight male characters as Vs. Anhu, a pal of mine believes that this 'specie' is extinct? If not, then they are nearing extinction, and we should start a lobby group dubbed 'Save the Vs campaign/Foundation'?  FYI V=virgins, not V=visitors!! 

At times, I think men value women's virginity, more than women value it themselves. Do women really know how men gloat after popping a cherry? Ladies, if not, pray you get a chance to witness this. For crying out loud, some men even believe that Nike-ing a pure damsel, is a guaranteed cure for AIDS. SCOUNDRELS!! 

Double standard 1: Why is sex meant to seem as a woman's fault, should there be any misdemeanor in this department. Chinua Achebe, in his book, A Man of the People, states, :-the sheet duet is more meaningful to women as it takes place in them. Regardless, fact remains, it is not a solo performance. Thus I wonder why men are so keen to pass the buck whenever things go wrong. From lack of capacity to resist temptation, to being drugged and 'her lack of hesitance to resist a plunge'; men always make it seem its the woman's fault. I know men are gas-cookers, and women micro-waves, whenever it comes to reacting to sexual stimulus, yet, we all know that numerous decisions have to be made prior to the actual intimacy. From phone calls, to condom purchases, to setting up rooms, availing time etc.-it's evident that sex has to be consented prior to the actual physical bonding. This facade that men lack control in this department, has created a lee-way for us, to misbehave, and have it seen as a norm. Double standard 2:men long to marry virgins, yet want to play the sexatone with women. Oxymoron!!. At the same time, men always seek to safeguard their own blood sisters, guiding them to remain pure, yet strive to get the price possession of other people's sisters-V or not! People shy from reality, I choose to dance with it!

As I was saying, fact remains that this 'specie', is not extinct, and I do commend them for staying put, especially in the 21st century. It is difficult, I know. There is no greater stimulus than the rush of hormones related to intimacy, and overcoming it, is an achievement. Well, adrenaline does come at a close second. These hormones have made men and women transverse states, ignore political and professional status (Clinton and IMF boss, not mentioning), concoct lies worth a million bucks, scorn religion and even violate human rationale (rapists, incest); simply because it is matchless. People are made to feel like outcasts because they have held their cherry close to their hearts. Shy not, and stand tall. With sex being one of the most used marketing gimmick, radio stations rampant on this topic and Hollywood making virginity look like a mental disorder or a disease "NB:IT IS STILL MEN WHO PLAY THESE CHARACTER ROLES! (R.J. Berger), I think being a V in this century, is a major milestone. I know you re-collecting where you lost it, well, you can mentor your kids into valuing it more, and this relates to both gender. With such sanity, we may save our nation and kind, a lot of trauma. 

As I always state, it is not my role to judge fellow mankind, and pretend to be holier than thou, or taking a morally higher ground! Do what you will, it is yours, right? Therefore, if you let loose at your own consent, do so without regret, but should you give in, only to crave to stab yourself for what you did, you best think twice before taking a dip!!

TRUTH: Times have changed. While in the 20th century it was seen as treasure, the 21st sees it as lack of appreciation for one's sex-life. I believe marriages in the past, lasted because couples upheld their V, thus the only bed-minton they knew, was between the 2. Nowdays,though, with ping-pong of sex partner widely accepted, testing various kinds of flesh highly recommended, then chances of falling victim to desires of better offers, is red hot. The divorce rates and cheating spouses speak for themselves. They are so many, that T.V shows can actually air them like  a series, with complete seasons. Chastity is no vice, its a VIRTUE!

False: The V-card is a visa card, that can be used severally. Nope, it only swipes once! Make it count!

NB:As you read this, hope you pondered not on whether I am one, or not. Well, since you are a judge of character, I will let you decide. YOU KNOW BEST!! Ha ha

Baby Loving!!

On twitter as @utamhaliss 

Am I the one who only finds it interesting that when we were toddlers, we crave to be adults and actually try to act like one, yet when we get old, all we can do is be nostalgic and yearn for our toothless days. If I am the only victim here, I must confess that, I really do wish life would have stagnated there, at times. Anhu, during the numerous flips of my baby flashbacks, something hit my nerve. I recalled of the you-tube video, showing two babies have a laugh in the nappies, as if they were grown-ups, chatting an afternoon through. It is in this line, I thought of coming up with a poem, written from a smooth-baby's point of view:


Baby-Loving
Your Mum to know mine,
wasn't luck, but destiny at its prime,
noticed you when just ten months through,
warmest toothless smile and beauty so true.


First touch of my innocent eyes on you,
'gugu-gaga' was all I could do,
old folk ignorant of what was the hype,
not knowing twas baby-vibe, saying "I'm in like"


In the crib they often left we,
calming than a Cerelac moment in being,
you in the pink bootees with a Tweety bird top,
was like taking a burp, after mama's gulp.


Both knees down, I went romancing to theem
requesting to be your diaper, n halt shit from happening,
definitely a 'pampers' and not plain napkin,
thus cause you no rash, and be long lasting.


Laughter and joy took toll,
as I took you for the carpet crawl,
vowing to be your powder-Johnsons,
not sour, like cod-liver Scotts-Emulsion. 


#Food for thought: There moments in your life, when you have to find the child within you and experience the offings of life, without so much worry of the next day. It may actually make you live longer, and see things from a different view. Remember, adults are just grown up kids, grooming growing kids!! 
"Great is the man who has not lost his childlike heart." Mencius (Meng-Tse), 4th Century BC

Life like a newspaper..

Guess you all heard of the Rupert Murdoch story- the phone hacking saga that tainted the self-praised media in the UK. The scandal was and is so murky, that it eventually led to the closure of News of the World tabloid,chopping off a big chunk of integrity, in the media industry. 

Speaking of newspapers, ever thought of what section of a newspaper you would be, if you were to be a feature in one? Lives and careers have been ruined in this daily editions, revolutions started, love found, untold stories shared, businesses made, the hungry fed etc; thus would it not be interesting to know what value you would add to the Life Daily Edition.
1. The Cover/ Front page

These are head-liners. People who are never scared of drawing attention, and honestly, never shy away from it. They see it, they want it, they must have it! They are bold and wholly embrace it. If they are in a group, they hardly wait to be introduced, because they know one fact-#they do it best themselves. 
2. The Back page

They are laid back, are of great value, but if not keenly looked at, go unnoticed.They are not keen to have the spot-light, but once they attain it, well, it becomes difficult not to notice them. Downfall about being a back-page in life, is that if you do not get the attention deserved, thus you may being celebrated when dead. People get to see their value after their impact is missed, as a result of their absenteeism.
3. The Middle page
They blend in well, and always have serious content and knowledge, but need to be motivated to show it; they prefer to have someone source for it. Someone has to dig up their confidence, and then, they will freely roam. They easily go about with their lives, and share it with those who choose to show interest.
4. Advertisements/ Pull-out/ Columns

These guys, are neither here nor there, simply abstract art in life's art gallery. Can be a masterpiece, I agree, but ever shortlived!! Similar to a flag, they bow to the command of the wind. They simply work with what best fits them, as per that present moment. A change in scenario directly leads a change of heart. They are people whom you should hardly bank on, as they will wipe your safe clean, upon rise of better interest rates.
5. Obituaries
Honestly, this is tough to dwell into, yet again, I must. They prefer dwelling in the past, clinging to what-ifs, have a lot of wishes, but all is in vain, because their efforts are dead. They are simply living a dead life. They jabber a lot, and work not, simply living chatter-boxes, with no value in their charter!!


Life is simply clay, and we, are the potters. Though it, life, does have its twists and turns, it is still we, who have the capacity to make the final piece from what is laid in our hands.
Therefore, as you read through Life's Daily Edition, ensure you make each chance you have in the newspaper, count!!