Dear Future Kenyan Wife

Dear Future Kenyan Wife,

Hello. Guess it must be too early for me to write this to you. Well, I am simply keen to ensure that I have something to go back to, lest I change. This also ensures you also have something to give you insight about the kind of Kenyan man you would have had..he! First things first. Were/are you an ardent listener of the morning breakfast shows on Classic FM. Auwwii, if you were, then we both have mountains to climb. I listened to it too. What I heard the listeners share was mind-boggling about. Did you hear the OMG one, or the one where the 62 year old grandmother was picking up young men in the streets, to the one where the husband created a fake Facebook account and the wife almost described the pants she was wearing on national radio. Jeez..what about the one where the sisters were sharing the same tool of trade. Damn. I must confess, I am scared. Deeply scared. We have a battle of trust to deal with. This is my  suggestion (got it from a Lauryn Hill Movie). When one enters an exam, they can view their score from two angels: either they have 100% and strive to retain as much as they can, or 0% and strive to attain a score. I think the first one is better. We trust each other 100%. Come clean with whatever we deem not suite to be in our closets. What say you?

Now, I have many people seeking to dig deeper into each other's past. Well, we should dig in on the good stuff, and let some issues out of our conversations. Let us just visit the VCT center in this regard, and dance to our own tango. A wise scholar, Chinua Achebe, said in his re-known book 'A Man of the People': that the  sheet duet is more valuable and worthwhile to a woman, because it takes place in her. Bearing this in mind, and seeing it as a way of limiting need to sneaking out: I promise to let my ego out of the bedroom doors. Oh, regarding that, I think we should make our suite a venue full of adventure; you know, paint it like a forest and the likes, cause we are meant to get wild there. Don't you look at me that way, we will be certified users by the Government of Kenya. God himself will have rubber-stamped the act. No blushes. The more open we are about it, the less the dissatisfaction there shall be.What say you?

I know men are depicted as not being good listeners. Kenyan men to be precise. Well, all I can tell you is I do not read minds. Never have, never will. As a matter of fact, if I did, Bill Gates would be wishing he was me. Kindly therefore, speak out, and not just once, whenever you want me to tend to you. I promise to try my level best to listen, and not just hear what you say. Aha, baby-naming. How dare I forget that? I think you should name the boys and I the girls. This way, I will choose what sounds sweet and sexy for the girl, and you the boy. He he. As for the anniversaries. birthdays and your mum's birthday-I shall have a sticky note on the computer, a reminder on the phone and will find a way to make each special. I promise. Oh oh, about the 'Talk' with the kids. We have to do it as a team, and paint it as it is. With the availability of information on the internet and cartoons already kissing, lets make no assumption they know not. They do!


There is so much, yet so little space. Guess I have to let in some suspense so that I can wow you even more when we are one. For sure though, I will have to make fun of you, to our little girl, about the era of stockings, and how you misused them to catch my attention, distract me, and eventually led to....
As you can see, I ask a question in the end of each paragraph. Simply because, your opinion matters most to me. Without you, then there is no US.


Yours Truly,
Marriage Spice
Future Kenyan Husband.