I was Crashed!!

What a weekend...damn, it was special. Football, the men's soap-opera, was soothing to the soul. Heavenly to be precise. The glamour that surrounded the brilliance and fluidity of the game, though one sided,  was like being high on marijuana and playing Bob Marley's tunes in the background. "Pwoh! Pwoh! Jah Rasta pharai-Pure Niceness." Therefore, as I always state, we are born in the most legendary era. APPRECIATE IT. After a busy day of scheduled, life-changing meetings, I was definitely looking forward to that evening. Since I reside in an area that is surrounded by hip clubs, oh yes, I mean, some of the best, I was definitely going to watch the game in my 'balcony'. I graced a popular joint. It was so packed, oxygen went on a 'Haki-Yetu' demonstration!! Fast-forward, and there we are: the game is over and people are in jubilation, while others in humiliation. The DJ is on his desk, doing his 'thang', although horribly, and people are all over dancing. Nowadays, there are no dance-floors, thus people were battling for space in order to get jiggy. Personally, I am a relatively good dancer, or so I have been told, thus I can move in rhythm. This time round though, I chose to take a back seat and watch. I was bamboozled and petrified.

How is it possible that an African woman cannot dance? Simply move her waist from side to side in rhythmic motion. I was crashed!! I believe that rhythm is natural to us, as is hot pepper to Indians. I not necessarily mean being an extremely good dancer, doing the popping and locking, B-Boy stunts and many more we see in dance shows, swaggeriffic and other de-womanizing stunts; I simply mean-moving in tune with the music. How then, does a woman, African woman to be precise, move like a pendulum on the dance floor? Her waist gashing all over like shark teeth preying on fresh bait!!  Now that is kind of an exaggeration, I know, but what the hell? It was like seeing a cog-less engine, choke up on lack of oil for lubrication. Anhui, I know I am ranting on no basis. Just wanted to jog my mind a bit..see whether I could come up with a malicious accusation. We shall resume to our regular mind-sets, once I finish the post I am working on. I do not share opinions on male dancing, is not my area of interest. I am therefore, not a male chauvinist. 'I just added the last bit, so that I could use the last word. Hehe!!

Have a blessed week people. You are special!!

Ooops!!

I am definitely not writing this from Heaven, though it would have been great to have had the chance to siphon wisdom from the Great Solomon. Its good to be around fellow earthlings. Dooms day was a farce. Oh, thank God I had not posted this earlier. Seems, doomsday has been postponed to 21st OCTOBER 2011. You have time to redeem thee. Lol.

Have you seen the recent Daily Nation Newspaper advert. I love it. This old lady comes into the house after a long day, and craves a rest. Then suddenly, boom! boom! twaf! Loud Music(this is not how my speakers sound, picked up the sound effects from a cartoon). "Junior! Junior", the mother calls out. She goes upstairs. Opens the door; and there the irony is born. Junior is a 37 year old crashing with his mum. Emphasis, is on the guy to move out, and the Daily Nation holds a solution to this. The flip-side of this advert, is the Nation guy who comes to the window. Since the room is upstairs, does it mean he walks on air. Think about it. ?????

In line with this, I recently heard over the radio of Kenyan men, lounging in the confines of their mothers' homes at the ages of 33 and above. Women were up in arms, saying that men were being 'babied' too much, and as a result, it is why there are no 'good' men around. Well, since I only have a liking for women, I cannot attest to that..women know best, but by virtue of being a man...I deem it reasonable to share my sentiments about it.

Someone once told me, there are  two kinds of women in a man's life..the woman in-and the woman-of. The woman-in, is more permanent than the woman-of. These are the mothers, sisters, close relatives,wife etc. They are irreplaceable. The woman-of, well...you can fill in the blanks for yourselves. Hehe. Mark you, the wife, eventually becomes a woman-in, in a man's life, from being a woman-of. Simply..from being the woman of his dreams, to being the woman in his dreams. Feel me?. From this, we can derive the new meaning of miracle-in relation to the wife. A miracle is defined as-the ultimate natural connection, between the women-in, and the woman-of (wife to be), centered around a force called "Our son" and "my future husband" respectively. Anhu, bearing this in mind, back to the birth  of baby-ied men. It is said that to a mother, her child shall remain an angel, even if the child stole while she was seeing. Likelihood is, to a mother, "How can bad omen, come forth from 9 months of *I lack an adjective*!!" Personally, I have never understood the 'mama's boy-daddy's gal' theory. I believe this 'babied men, misuse this concept. Once they know, they have this unending soft spot, and see life as a ocean of turbulent challenges..well, best stay safe. And where does the safety come from. Mummy. I concur with ladies, that this is shameful. Yet again, what can ladies do about it-play mother season 2..naah. Unfair!!
Question is:what is the way around it. Simple, make the man feel good about himself. Sweeten his ego when you want a problem solved. Know how to cook. All in all, same way you chat up a kid when on the wrong, do so. I am stating so, from the fact that women say, that men are just big babies. These are not my words. Yes, you would say it is being manipulative; but it is this simple things that matter most, as far as I know. Oh, add sweetened sheet duet to that list.. Ever wondered why men thirst for ladies from Rwanda, Tanzania, Uganda, ama Ocha-ocha? Lady, think!! Anhu, as I have heard, some say it is not in line with the modern woman 50-50 policies. Well, as far as I know the rewards are even greater, meaning you will definitely get more than 50. Fact:once a man makes that special place for you in his heart, its so hard for him to let go. Treat him right, and well, you will be laughing all the way to a shopping spree. (Gentlemen, pardon me for sharing this wisdom, I think. If this does not apply to you, well, if my potential is reading this, then, you know the secret. Daang!!Nothing complicated). To verify this, since women believe 'men are dogs': a caller on radio today, attested that his girlfriend was yet to share her cherry with him for the past five years.

DID I JUST SAY THAT!!

That without a ring, there is no ding. The wedding is scheduled for 2015. Do the math. Well, the man confessed to loyalty to her miss, and would never cheat on her. Oh my, wasn't he scorned.  Did I take him seriously. Yes. Why? I am a man, and have had dons of the player industry confide in me as to how they have been humbled by a lady who rocked their hearts. Trust me, no guy usually states this, in honor of the ego. Yep, am saying it as it is.  A guy who would not even pay fare for a chic, would start thinking of picnics. Yep, picnics. You see. Therefore, in line with what ladies say, if men are dogs, then we are tame-able, and can become man's best friend. I just did not state so, did I? Ha ha. Am ashamed. I am no dog!!

Disclaimer:That which is stated here, is not the property of the blogger. The false and the truth, lies in your choice of belief!!

I am not a 'mama's boy'. Personally, I despise men who don't get feed up of their mother's suckle. Been riding solo, for the past, 7 to 8 years. And logically, since I was not conceived by the Holy Spirit but by a collabo' between my mum and dad; I am a papa's and mama's boy. Hehe. I love both my parents, and confide in both when necessary. But when Mrs.B comes through, its simply her, through and through.

Saturday Marks the END!!

Guess you all heard it...Tomorrow marks the end of the world. Well, I know almost all of you brushed off the news as utter nonsense...but, what if. What if, the world is to truly end this Saturday. First things first, I know people get all religious when the end of time is talked about. Acting all holy and sainty. I believe God, is a just God. Thus what will take us to Him, is our actions and faith. Not religion. You are entitled to your opinion.

Before I go gallivanting into heaven and hell, I must confess, that our generation has seen and heard it all. We have lived in the best of times. From social networks, tsunamis, Classic FM morning shows, the Big Bench, IMF boss trying to fund his tools of trade by force, to Gbagbo being caught under the bed, Osama-Obama affair, cloning, post election violence, the anti-governement protests in the middle east,Michael Jackson, first coalition goverment, M.P Sonko the embarassment, Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee, Gods Must be Crazy, Blueband ya kadogo,  Tahamaki, WWE, Ideos era, Mpesa, Oprah, Barcelona (I despise their theatrics though)...its endless. Think about it.

RIP Great Athlete: Samuel Wanjiru..I choose to remember you for the medals you won, and not the drama that unflods.

A Trip to Heaven

My oh my..I can't even fathom how this place looks like. Don't know whether there is advanced technology, or simply nature at its best-one thing for sure, its a MARVEL-the crown of bliss.Since God can see the future, I would first make a formal request to see the Champions League final. I have to know how Manchester were thumped by Barcelona. He he. Now, as far as ladies are concerned, worry not. There will be a soap opera called 'El Garden des Eden'-starring Adam and Eve. This should highlight the key concepts of raw love and betrayal. Aha, I know you thought about it too-will people be nude? Hmm. No stockings for ladies..yay!!. He he. If so it will be, I think our eyes will be purified, thus we shall not get hawt, at the sight of..aiyaiyai. This will be good, because men would be in serious trouble if it is not so . Ha ha ha.

I hope people will be able to get hungry.(mwanaume ni tumbo, mwanamke ni masikio) The place should be oozing with delicacies. Since we will have no clothes to wear, assuming, we can thence bulge without fear. 90 Kg, here I come.(its my ultimate goal). I also think I will have a pet-lion in this regard. Assume Osama, is in Heaven..wouldn't he be someone you would like to hang around with. So many stories to tell. I wonder who else would be there. It would also be great to share the insight of facebook and twitter with the likes of Moses and Abraham. You know, @Moses and @Abraham on twitter, poking the Angels, and posting on their walls links to their youtube songs. Amazing. Oh, and what if Jeff Koinange would host the Big Bench there. Would it not be a a great feat seeing him interview folks-"What a SHOW! What a GUEST! And its just MONDAY. My GOODNESS...all heaven, ALL. THE. TIME." I guess, there would be so much joy to go around, that I can't highlight it all. If that is where we are to be, then see you in Heaven doer of good deeds. Aha, and what if cartoons would be in heaven too. King Julian of Madagascar would be my best friend and Superman my bodyguard. So, go and find you another best friend. Am booked.

Trip To Hell

Oh Blimey,this sure sucks. Can't even think about it, yet we have been told, that it is true. First, if Osama and Hitler are there, this would be my gang. Should anyone mess around with us, we would blow the place into pieces. It will already be hot, so you can imagine the repercussion. Now, this is a place, where clothes would come in handy. A suit like the one for Iron Man would come in handy...or have you seen the coke advert, where the lad walks through fire to quench his thirst. Yeah, that would rock.  So, what if there are TVs there, would only horror shows be showing? If yes it is, I do hope they have Supernatural. Its comical horror. Would people be allowed to fight, and get all feisty. Jeez, the act of writing this bit, is no fun at all. I think I will let you finish it for me. I am no coward, just that my mind is fond of the good stuff. You know.


All in all, do live your life in a way you will not regret. Make merry in the best way you know, and in no way, cause harm to your self. Your are special. If you have never been told, I have told you so. Ladies, since the world 'ends' tomorrow, I thank you for being part of the Babuutization process. You were earthly angels, to yours truly.Thank you. Gentlemen, we are short of words as always, thus, thank you my brethren. Ha.

False-no one knows when the world will end.

Truth-the world can actually end on Saturday.

DISCLAIMER!! Whatever you do, NEVER google something dubbed 'Two girls and a cup', click on the third link and actually finish watching the whole video. Its start a bit like a blue movie, but its not. It changes in the first 3 seconds. I have warned you. Do not to do this. Don't spite me, if you choose not to heed my warning. I am very serious. Whatever you do, do not watch this.

Dear Future Kenyan Wife

Dear Future Kenyan Wife,

Hello. Guess it must be too early for me to write this to you. Well, I am simply keen to ensure that I have something to go back to, lest I change. This also ensures you also have something to give you insight about the kind of Kenyan man you would have had..he! First things first. Were/are you an ardent listener of the morning breakfast shows on Classic FM. Auwwii, if you were, then we both have mountains to climb. I listened to it too. What I heard the listeners share was mind-boggling about. Did you hear the OMG one, or the one where the 62 year old grandmother was picking up young men in the streets, to the one where the husband created a fake Facebook account and the wife almost described the pants she was wearing on national radio. Jeez..what about the one where the sisters were sharing the same tool of trade. Damn. I must confess, I am scared. Deeply scared. We have a battle of trust to deal with. This is my  suggestion (got it from a Lauryn Hill Movie). When one enters an exam, they can view their score from two angels: either they have 100% and strive to retain as much as they can, or 0% and strive to attain a score. I think the first one is better. We trust each other 100%. Come clean with whatever we deem not suite to be in our closets. What say you?

Now, I have many people seeking to dig deeper into each other's past. Well, we should dig in on the good stuff, and let some issues out of our conversations. Let us just visit the VCT center in this regard, and dance to our own tango. A wise scholar, Chinua Achebe, said in his re-known book 'A Man of the People': that the  sheet duet is more valuable and worthwhile to a woman, because it takes place in her. Bearing this in mind, and seeing it as a way of limiting need to sneaking out: I promise to let my ego out of the bedroom doors. Oh, regarding that, I think we should make our suite a venue full of adventure; you know, paint it like a forest and the likes, cause we are meant to get wild there. Don't you look at me that way, we will be certified users by the Government of Kenya. God himself will have rubber-stamped the act. No blushes. The more open we are about it, the less the dissatisfaction there shall be.What say you?

I know men are depicted as not being good listeners. Kenyan men to be precise. Well, all I can tell you is I do not read minds. Never have, never will. As a matter of fact, if I did, Bill Gates would be wishing he was me. Kindly therefore, speak out, and not just once, whenever you want me to tend to you. I promise to try my level best to listen, and not just hear what you say. Aha, baby-naming. How dare I forget that? I think you should name the boys and I the girls. This way, I will choose what sounds sweet and sexy for the girl, and you the boy. He he. As for the anniversaries. birthdays and your mum's birthday-I shall have a sticky note on the computer, a reminder on the phone and will find a way to make each special. I promise. Oh oh, about the 'Talk' with the kids. We have to do it as a team, and paint it as it is. With the availability of information on the internet and cartoons already kissing, lets make no assumption they know not. They do!


There is so much, yet so little space. Guess I have to let in some suspense so that I can wow you even more when we are one. For sure though, I will have to make fun of you, to our little girl, about the era of stockings, and how you misused them to catch my attention, distract me, and eventually led to....
As you can see, I ask a question in the end of each paragraph. Simply because, your opinion matters most to me. Without you, then there is no US.


Yours Truly,
Marriage Spice
Future Kenyan Husband.

Dear Silence

"Dear Silence,

Hush, this was not meant to be loud. As a matter of fact, we need to be so silent, that words do not listen. Thus hush, lest you cause a stir. I must confess, our relationship does go way back. I think it goes as far as I was swimming in amniotic fluid. Hmm...sadly, I cannot recall that. You are a loyal friend, I must attest to that, and in that regard, I will always hold you dear. You have kept me company in days when I was alone. Do you remember our first black-out in my own crib..damn. That was a trying time, especially fighting the darkness, but we stood tall and scared the shit out  of darkness, until it eventually became light.What a victory!!

I write this to you, in recollection of the times we had. You always kept me company when I was alone with nothing to do, provided me with a shoulder to lean on when I was among strangers, found a way to tone down the mood when things flared up between those around me and I..its endless. You always had a way to ease things out, and I, I really do appreciate it. I recall the first lesson you gave me;how to talk with my eyes. She was stunning, wasn't she? Yep, I think that is what counts for a first crush. Primary school is where we were, and yep, we rocked like the Beatles in 60s. That was a classic. She was bemused, by how I could stare and not talk, yet talk so much, that it actually made her blush. Hmm. Never realized that such a stir would take hostage of my tummy and leave my thoughts in bewilderment. He he. We really had good times. The first day in a new place, and we would be scared stiff. Being vary cautious, so as not to look snobby, yet wary that I don't break you, and became all too chatty. Lessons well learnt. Thank you for not seeking vengeance, when I chose to break you though, and ignore that you ever existed; Giving room to laughter to take all the glory, chuckles at times and even dismally, annoying grants. Generosity is an understatement for a definition of your character, I must confess.

Despite it all, I still have a bone to pick with you. Why did you gag me. You bored me stiff. She had a sizzling scent, fruity to be precise. Her posture told it all: Come get me, yet you opted to make sure that on the D-day, I would not busk in her voice. That was an opportunity lost, and you really need to own up. Aha, do you remember that dimwit in the elevator; I guess people under-estimate your vocals at times. You were in your mantra, and the fool opted to let loose and utter from the butt-cheeks. Total disgrace and insult to the elevator code. That was one hell of a lift-journey, totally detrimental to the aura that had engulfed the surroundings.

Our valley and mountain sessions, have been plenty indeed. It would be impossible to pin all of them down on this blog. Just thought, a little appreciation would go along way in our relationship. Just know, that though at times I may grumble, I really do appreciate the times you soften the tensions that arise, and would have ended up making me loose the special people around me.

Thank you
Yours Truly,
Silence breaker"

Cravings of a Man!!

Thought I would fight the urge to jolt this, but nope. The memories are still fresh. Damn, I love bowling. Had a fun-filled weekend, hope you did as well. Thanks to the ladies and gentlemen who made the day happen.
Now now:
Women have been grumbling for ages..that men are complicated yet they liken us to big-babies. Therefore, with women having natural instinct to what a baby needs, shouldn't they have all the answers? Anhui, I seek not to bring a war of words to that which has remained unsolved for ages. I want to share insight on the hunger every man has naturally inclined to him. People say that a man yearns for money, power, pleasure and women. True or false, I know not. All in all, this marks the core of it all. Ladies, understand this, and you are  in for a ride...The three things everyman wants, consciously or subconsciously are: 

1. An adventure to live

This is right from the on-set of birth. Men always crave for the allure of the unknown. Being naturally inclined to solving problems, men shall always seek something to boil up their adrenaline. From the time we are boys;unearthing the inner shells of toys, to stealing mangoes from the neighbor, naughty days of putting mirrors on the floor to have a visual of what lies underneath a dress... This thirst lingers on to death and is major contributor as to why women complain that men are hardly satisfied with what they have; always wanting that which is beyond our reach, and upon having it..seeking a new quest. Ladies, therefore, for you to keep your man, always ensure a little bit of adventure in your day to day lives. I am not talking about going to the Himalayas..he he..I know you understand, because unlike us, you do use both sides of your brain.
It is to this reason, I always attest, after extensive research: men ogle at skimpy women, but often, if not all think lowly of them. Reason for this, is due to the lack of 'adventure'. Having seen it all, the puzzle is all but solved.. If I am alone in this boat...then let me row away in my oblivion. Lol. 

2. A battle to fight

This is not in relation to violence. This is the alpha-male syndrome. Everyman wants to be seen as the greater of the two. Every man always wants to be seen as a conqueror in his field of expertise. Men who do not attain this, think lowly of themselves, and choose to hide in an unrealistic world..a doze of drugs usually comes in handy. It facilitates creation of a utopia, where the user, makes room for himself as king-they usually feel that they own the 'world', thus can do anything. Men always seek an opportunity, to show they can stand on their own two feet-this facilitates an aura of respect and praises, which pampers his ego gently, and without doubt, men can munch on this all the days of their lives. Ladies when a man opts not to share his problems, just know he wants to fight his battle. What you need to do, is smoothen his armour, and show him he needs not to fight alone. Know how to do this, and he will be sharing more. As a matter of fact, haven't you seen in movies warriors talking to their swords, horses, armour etc. before a battle. Now you know why!!

3. A woman to conquer

Now this marks the creme de la creme. Where would  men be without women? Seriously, where? Women are the cogs of our engines, the lubricant that make our lives smooth to live, the water that cools us down when we overheat;why lie...we owe a lifetime to them. Thank you God for women. 

Any man who states that he can do without women, often forgets that his mother is woman too and is simply living in a mirage. It is embedded in our genes to find an XX chromosome, to call our own.

This quest  is usually to prove worth of one's man-hood;hat the man is not a living a log, but a root that bears forth a tree, that actually produces fruit. he he. Preferences usually determine a lot in this quest. The jubilitaion that usually surrounds this, is so immense, that men usually go hysterical, and thus, always want to flaunt their woman around. Ladies, if your man is proud of you, he will never hide you. Trust me. He just can't.

For those men who are still searching themselves (I always wonder where from), trim down to the three, and you will know what you are or want. As for you ladies, highlight this in his life, and you have yourself a solved solution. Whether you deem it false or truth, you decide!!

Black-Spots!!

Damn!! My room has been smelling like a chemist for the past few weeks. I am the type who hardly gets sick (thanks be to God), but  for a moment there, I think my white blood cells went for a retreat in the Bahamas. Illness has been clinging to my health-cells for a month or so; I am finally up and running though.

In our daily romantic encounters, we meet many characters. It is said, that a lady has to kiss many frogs prior to meeting her prince..so if you are a guy, and a chic didn't approve of your smoothing, then you were simply her frog at that time!! LOL! Harsh, I don't think so! Let me not count my frog-phases though, I may end up in a rehab center or getting a seizure, as a result of multi-personality disorder! Anhui, before I proceed, knowing that kissing is a duet feat, which I thank whosoever invented it; what animal does a man kiss prior to meeting his princess?? I wonder!!

Is it just me, or does every one have, that one person who makes your world go in reverse motion. That one person, whom, you do not know why or how, but just finds the softest spot in your heart. Most, if not all, are usually a 'No-No' to those around us. I think, this is one of the things that makes them enticing. You often end up wishing that your friends could see him/her through your eyes, and maybe, just maybe, they could understand the feel of the roller-coaster you are in. 
Something often happens, and silence takes ownership of the relationship. Then, out of the blues, the phone starts humming to your favorite song...you look at the caller ID...and BAM!!..ni yeye....strangely so...you start boiling up.....start making having what-if wishes( aha, you have been there too).Yep, thats your black-spot, in line with cupid-valley. So, how do you circumvent (wow..I can't believe I just used that word) them? Honestly, I have no clue, thus I seek your indulgence.

I believe life has its on way of spicing things up: spanking you with choices that are simply-complex; taking away special people when you need them the most; poking you with fears ,which to others, make you seem insane; giving you black-spots that are un-fillable...its endless. This is, its sweetness though.The raw uncertainty of what lies ahead. Irregardless of the black-spots you go through, how you choose to drive you 'car' matters a lot. Remember, life is not a rehearsal, time is never patient and you are freaking special. Therefore, before deciding to make a nest for any black-spot in your life...think about it...how many colors out there have you left...aren't those spots...worth your time too...(paint a bigger picture of this, it does not center on relationships only)